Vision o' Nine

I'm going to be honest with myself [and our faithful readers]. This is not to say that I am typically an untrustworthy person, instead, consider it a moment of candid introspection. Here it goes... two thousand and eight was not a personal best for me. Remember I said not a personal best, therefore not implying any tragic occurrences. Keep in mind that only minor soul-searching has been invoked while pondering this resolution. Also, in spite of my concluded negativity, there are a few positive growths I could reflect upon, but each would be a post within itself. So, instead of boring you with my interpretation and [complete] list of excuses, I will share with you an analogy illustrating my Vision for 2009 thus far...

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ...l Peter 4:10-11

The Candle. This verse testifies to the ordained talent(s) we each possess, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I like to envision the gift as a candle with which to pass the flame of servitude (or speech) between one another, as well as a light to reveal His grace. And, as you may have already guessed, I believe my [primary] spiritual gift to be: serving through creativity.

The Matchstick. As the verse clarifies, the grace of God can be manifested in more than one fashion. So, where to begin? Upon entering college, I was clueless regarding my desired area of study. In spite of being an overly analytical person, majority of the options were too objective for my [also] intuitive mind-set. And, as most right-brained individuals will agree, turning off the creative search engine to emotional connections in life is not an easy task. I began to feel passionless... Introduce Communication Art (i.e. Graphic Design), the chosen ammunition with which to fuel my creative fire.

The Stone. Despite considering myself a work in-progress, there are still a few responsibilities and aspirations that frustrate me as to why I haven't mastered them, or at least taken the steps to fulfill them as of now... 28 years into my God-given breath. The end result: anxiety > disappointment > depression. In previous years, I placed the blame on more imperative commitments, such as a disheartening [professional] career. Although I cannot attest to being forced into any painstaking positions, it was not how I imagined expending the majority of my time, creativity, and tuition. Much less, the uninspiring compensation; personally or monetarily. Typical "restless artist," right? Needless to say, I was overcome with joy when the opportunity to become a stay-at-home parent presented itself. After all, it was as if...

The moon was in the Seventh House,

and Jupiter had aligned with Mars...

[chorus]

This is the dawning of the

age of Aquarius,

age of Aquarius.

Aquarius!

Aquarius!

In other words, harmony people. Harmony!!! When, in reality, the Lord had knowingly graced us with an unspoken prayer in fear of sounding ungrateful for the blessings He had previously bestowed upon us.

The Spark. As I sit here imaging the possibilities, I currently hold the pieces with which to serve: the candle in my left, the matchstick in my right, and the stone in reach. So... what's keeping me from igniting the spark?!?!

Two primary thoughts:

(1) Fear of Commitment. In college, it was professors who assigned our projects, requiring attainable, yet realistic timelines, a necessity for those of us who need structure in order to complete the creative-process and achieve the desired result, perfection. Also, the pressure of my [design] peers created healthy competition with only myself to disappoint. However, upon my introduction into the [utterly procrastinating] professional world, I toiled under the direction of an employer with unrealistic expectations, requiring me to sell-out on my true abilities only to disappoint myself [and possibly him/her] while breeding resentment in the end.

(2) Perfectionism. A Love/Hate Relationship really... It's the coach, who reminds you that it's all in the details, encouraging you to keep going by taking an idea to the next level, and the next, and the next... As well as, the parent holding you back with high expectations, resulting in a mind-set stressing continual room for improvement and, therefore, never "good enough." Despite well versed intentions, an individual is paralyzed by a fear of failure, among other faulty ways of thinking.

And now... the choice to strike! Before the end of the month, I will fashion a post outlining the specific mission accompanied by follow-ups incorporating attainable steps to be completed over the course of the next eleven(11) months. As my faithful readers, friends, and/or supporters you will have power to hold me accountable. In the mean time, I would love to hear any comments or advisements you may have regarding visions for the current year.

:: Vision Two Thousand and Nine ::

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, in o'Nine.