Vision o' Nine

I'm going to be honest with myself [and our faithful readers]. This is not to say that I am typically an untrustworthy person, instead, consider it a moment of candid introspection. Here it goes... two thousand and eight was not a personal best for me. Remember I said not a personal best, therefore not implying any tragic occurrences. Keep in mind that only minor soul-searching has been invoked while pondering this resolution. Also, in spite of my concluded negativity, there are a few positive growths I could reflect upon, but each would be a post within itself. So, instead of boring you with my interpretation and [complete] list of excuses, I will share with you an analogy illustrating my Vision for 2009 thus far...

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ...l Peter 4:10-11

The Candle. This verse testifies to the ordained talent(s) we each possess, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I like to envision the gift as a candle with which to pass the flame of servitude (or speech) between one another, as well as a light to reveal His grace. And, as you may have already guessed, I believe my [primary] spiritual gift to be: serving through creativity.

The Matchstick. As the verse clarifies, the grace of God can be manifested in more than one fashion. So, where to begin? Upon entering college, I was clueless regarding my desired area of study. In spite of being an overly analytical person, majority of the options were too objective for my [also] intuitive mind-set. And, as most right-brained individuals will agree, turning off the creative search engine to emotional connections in life is not an easy task. I began to feel passionless... Introduce Communication Art (i.e. Graphic Design), the chosen ammunition with which to fuel my creative fire.

The Stone. Despite considering myself a work in-progress, there are still a few responsibilities and aspirations that frustrate me as to why I haven't mastered them, or at least taken the steps to fulfill them as of now... 28 years into my God-given breath. The end result: anxiety > disappointment > depression. In previous years, I placed the blame on more imperative commitments, such as a disheartening [professional] career. Although I cannot attest to being forced into any painstaking positions, it was not how I imagined expending the majority of my time, creativity, and tuition. Much less, the uninspiring compensation; personally or monetarily. Typical "restless artist," right? Needless to say, I was overcome with joy when the opportunity to become a stay-at-home parent presented itself. After all, it was as if...

The moon was in the Seventh House,

and Jupiter had aligned with Mars...

[chorus]

This is the dawning of the

age of Aquarius,

age of Aquarius.

Aquarius!

Aquarius!

In other words, harmony people. Harmony!!! When, in reality, the Lord had knowingly graced us with an unspoken prayer in fear of sounding ungrateful for the blessings He had previously bestowed upon us.

The Spark. As I sit here imaging the possibilities, I currently hold the pieces with which to serve: the candle in my left, the matchstick in my right, and the stone in reach. So... what's keeping me from igniting the spark?!?!

Two primary thoughts:

(1) Fear of Commitment. In college, it was professors who assigned our projects, requiring attainable, yet realistic timelines, a necessity for those of us who need structure in order to complete the creative-process and achieve the desired result, perfection. Also, the pressure of my [design] peers created healthy competition with only myself to disappoint. However, upon my introduction into the [utterly procrastinating] professional world, I toiled under the direction of an employer with unrealistic expectations, requiring me to sell-out on my true abilities only to disappoint myself [and possibly him/her] while breeding resentment in the end.

(2) Perfectionism. A Love/Hate Relationship really... It's the coach, who reminds you that it's all in the details, encouraging you to keep going by taking an idea to the next level, and the next, and the next... As well as, the parent holding you back with high expectations, resulting in a mind-set stressing continual room for improvement and, therefore, never "good enough." Despite well versed intentions, an individual is paralyzed by a fear of failure, among other faulty ways of thinking.

And now... the choice to strike! Before the end of the month, I will fashion a post outlining the specific mission accompanied by follow-ups incorporating attainable steps to be completed over the course of the next eleven(11) months. As my faithful readers, friends, and/or supporters you will have power to hold me accountable. In the mean time, I would love to hear any comments or advisements you may have regarding visions for the current year.

:: Vision Two Thousand and Nine ::

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, in o'Nine.

A Monetary Affair

Twice a year, the fairgrounds are consumed by vendors (from the Midwest) exhibiting their professional or non-professional artistic creations, complete with doilies, doll heads and dream catchers. Actually, I take that back... the former objects have been replaced by tulle, toddler totes, and thread-based monograms. Anything from "look what anyone can order with a tax id number" to truly unique, homemade merchandise.

An Affair of the Heart advertisement features a circa 1985 heart-shaped wreath, straight from your grandmother's kitchen towel, and a department store song with only one verse. Please treat yourself to the real experience here. After close inspection, I'm almost certain the wreath design was created by someone vomiting on their scanner, carving out a heart, adding a bow, and embossing it. Oh, the embossing!!! Now, I realize that I'm being overly critical here, though, I believe I'm in a valid position to pass judgment on such a topic. Ahem... my BFA in Graphic Design. In their defense, the applique sweater look may actually be working for them considering the droves of women and children from all over the state attending, requiring one to park out in Timbuktu.

Despite my distaste for the event's marketing materials, I must admit to LOVING every minute of it. Maybe it's the wanna-be "crafter" in me. Or the "creative being" trapped inside mentioned in a previous post. Either way, I traditionally spend an entire day (literally) in search of those one-of-a-kind treasures with Kinsey in tow. And, no doubt she feels completely honored to be the lucky chick-a-dee to accompany me to such an extraordinary shopping experience. Throughout the day, she is chauffeured in her cushy recliner on wheels, offered a variety of snacks and refreshments, and consistently oohed and awed over by every applique sweater wearing gal within ear shot.

Unfortunately, I do not have the attention span or the patience to thoroughly browse each and every booth. However, if you are one of the select venders who have mastered your craft and packaged it in a way that tickles my creative fancy, then you will undoubtably be added to my hoard of prizes I proudly collect throughout my painfully pricey quest. I shall leave you with a glimpse of a gem out of this year's loot from fall craft festivals. Enjoy!

"In an artist's world, a slab of clay starts out an ugly, soggy, dirty lump. The clay is slung around, pounded on, and crushed; it's then plunged into darkness and heated to an extreme temperature. After cooling once, the clay finds relief, but the suffering is not over. Smothered in glaze, the wounded piece can take no more. Stuffed back into the fire, the bisque piece swelters through an additional trial. Finally, brought back into the light, the clay is no longer an ugly, soggy, dirty, lump... but rather a shiny, clean, and beautiful treasure! There was purpose in the pain. Sometimes we go through painful and difficult times in our lives. We don't quite know where God is leading us. Be confident that He has a plan and purpose for you here on Earth. As the clay endured the painful journey, it was transformed into an extraordinary work of beauty. As you endure, trust God to mold you into the treasure He sees in you."

RTC "Remember the Cross" Pottery :: Houston TX

On the Stroke of Noon...

A sunrise, combined with the brisk morning air and a hot cup of coffee, always seem to magically fill me with the inspiration and anticipation of beginning something new. Something creative. And, of course, enjoyable. Something to exercise my artistic abilities and share with the world around us... heck, maybe even profitable! After all, the diploma is only a memento [representing the monthly with drawal from our bank account] collecting dust in the closet, there is also my mind to consider! However, do not believe for a second that I relish in the memories of sitting in a cubicle for eight(8) hours a day, making less than a local educator [who receives seasonal breaks] without the personal enjoyment of presenting my own work to the client. (Note: We have several relatives who are teachers, so I am aware of the additional commitments required by the educational system, making it an 8:00 am to 5:00 pm job.) Apparently, I should have chosen a more stable and profitable career with a higher demand, one the public can actually appreciate. Like Funeral Services. No, I'm not kidding... it is an area of study. After all, who doesn't look forward to spending thousands of dollars on a beautifully adorned box only to be buried in the ground, never to be seen [or appreciated] again. Ok, so maybe I do miss the daily social interactions with adult conversations and witty commentary. Although, I can't say that I would trade the first hand musings and barely audible expressions of a 2-year old for work place drama or [last minute] deadlines. Unfortunately, my "motivational spirit" only lasts for a fleeting moment before reality sets in, which can involve any number of things. Uncertainty. Lack of focus. Various excuses. Need I go on? By the time I've showered, dressed and checked my email for the day, the spell has been broken by scattered thoughts of insecurity and reminders of responsibilities I've conveniently put off finishing. By dusk, the incandescent lights are [also] illuminating yet another idea inexcusably not explored. Sigh... and everything is as it was before.

Commit your works to the Lord, And your thoughts will be established.

Proverbs 16:3